Recent tragic events have galvanized the world to focus on the wishes, thoughts, and motivations of those who have died. The Terri Schiavo case left millions glued to their televisions, and intently reading newspaper, magazine, and Internet articles. Media coverage ranged from the substantial elements of the heartbreaking circumstance to myriad opinions, assessments and speculations by medical and legal "experts."

The Schiavo case contains among the most significant societal, moral, medical, and legal dynamics in recent decades. It is far beyond the scope of Perspectives On Youth. It is, however, a reminder of how important it is to listen, and listen closely, to the thoughts and feelings of people while they are still alive.

For child advocates, the Schiavo case is a strong resonant example of the vital importance for the need to capture thoughts and feelings of children identified as "at- risk," as well as children enduring major problems that go unnoticed, because the signs or statements they make are very subtle.

The vast attention on the Schiavo case coincided with a horrific school shooting in Minnesota, where a 16 year-old student shot to death 10 people, 7 of them at his high school, before fatally turning the gun on himself. Others at the high school were critically injured. It was a horror not seen since the Columbine high school shooting in 1999 where 2 students killed 13 people. Like the Columbine and lesser known school shootings before and after it, the Minnesota killings sparked predictable questions. What drove him to do this? What could he possibly have been thinking? Was he having any problems? Were there any signs that something was terribly wrong?

Investigations answered many of those questions, at least in a general sense. The media reported a profile of a lonely boy who was a frequent target of bullying and was constantly ostracized by his school mates. His father committed suicide when he was 8 years old, his mother was in a nursing home, permanently cognitively and physically incapacitated from a car accident. People who knew the teen told investigators and the media that he usually dressed in black and appeared sullen or depressed. School officials and some students reportedly knew he posted detailed messages on several hate type websites. He reportedly often spoke of guns and violence and appeared to have adulation for mass murderers.

The signs were obviously there. Among the indicators listed above, the bullying was likely the most observable and known of his problems. The boy was clearly-but apparently not obviously-deeply troubled. In the absence of comprehensive training, how are youth professionals or others expected to identify and interpret signs identifying a youth as a ticking bomb about to explode verses simply viewing the youth as a stereotypical "bad kid?"

Professionals that work with youth in various capacities often notice kids that display bizarre, hostile, or sullen type behavior. School officials, in particular, see so many kids that demonstrate troublesome behavior come in and out of the school without incident. Years of such observation can cause a natural conscious or unconscious categorization that some kids are more troubled than others just as some kids are perceived to be "smarter" than others.

Logic dictates that if anyone thought the shooting was likely or even remotely possible, there would have been extensive intervention. Awareness that something is wrong does not necessarily mean a professional or other person can distinguish between ordinary teen angst and severe mental health issues. The shooter in the Minnesota killings clearly demonstrated extreme anti-social and erratic behavior, but such behaviors, especially if they are not observed regularly and closely, may appear to youth professionals as common for many teens who wind up turning out fine, or at least not homicidal.

Investigations, including those by the FBI and Secret Service agencies, subsequently determined that the shooter indeed engaged in often repeated specific behaviors and communications that fit a profile of a youth capable of committing heinous and deadly actions. Very few professionals that work with youth are trained in identifying specific indicators that may potentially fit disturbing profiles, or even understand the concept of profiling. The expectation that merely because professionals work with youth, they should automatically have the ability to identify specific problems is specious.

If society expects professionals who work with youth to have such highly sophisticated and specialized skills, then society needs to provide reasonable funding for comprehensive nationwide training. In the unlikely event that such funding is provided, the completion of such training for those who work with youth on a regular basis should be required. The need for funding of programs and places where at-risk youth feel they can turn to and have a safe and welcome place to go is equally important.

The issue of bullying in general cannot be overlooked. Investigations of recent school shootings indicated that a varying number of students, bullies or not, very likely knew that the shooter(s) were in extreme emotional pain from the severe taunting of "bullies." In fact, studies show that bullies are often motivated by the ability to cause their victims pain and often enjoy knowing they succeeded in causing anguish.

Non-bullying students, especially classmates, are often aware which students are taunted and directly observe that the targets are in pain and indirectly condone the bully's behavior through their silence. This kind of indifference by youth to the suffering of others should be strongly noted. Society expects children to be taught the values of empathy, compassion, decency, and generosity of spirit. It is expected that by a certain age, youth will thoroughly understand and embrace the concepts of integrity, probity, ethics and morality. Myriad nationwide disturbing incidents involving youth indicate, in general, such lessons go unlearned.

As such, society cannot blame youth when they act without regard to the feelings of others. If children have not been taught these principles, either through school, the media, or individuals including family members and others that strongly influence their moral development, they cannot be held accountable for what they were never taught or which they have too few positive examples to emulate. Of course, most youth who experience significant problems do not go on a shooting rampage, or engage in otherwise horrific behavior. Those who do, however, often have deep seeded mental health issues. They cannot be helped or stopped from committing some form of tragedy unless there are a considerable number of people who are able to discern and recognize the differences between a youth who is in distress and a youth who is potentially dangerous.

School shootings, of course, are just one of many causes of deaths of youth who leave behind survivors with questions that will go forever unanswered. Suicide, fatal drug overdoses, and deadly drunk or reckless driving accidents name a few. Although these are very different manifestations of behavior that are often linked to disparate root causes, they all stem from some form of inner turmoil. Usually such youth show signs ranging from subtle or glaring indicators that something is terribly wrong. Signs such as a pronounced change in behavior and temperament; sullenness; a sudden drop in grades or skipping of school; changes in appetite and isolation from friends or hobbies are a small sample of behaviors that can indicate a problem. Whatever indications are present, subtle or not, they often go unnoticed.

Death gets noticed. When a youth dies, people are stunned. Suddenly, every aspect of the youth's life is scrutinized and statements made by the youth are suddenly recalled with every word dissected: "What was he referring to when he said that?" —"Why would she think something like that?"—"What could have possibly been going on in his mind to lead him to this?"

Detailed statements of disbelief or rationalization are often expressed, perhaps out of guilt or denial or a combination of both:

• "He was so intelligent, he had to know it was dangerous to drive drunk."

• "I knew the death of her sister overwhelmed her, but she seemed to be doing okay. I even saw her laugh a few days ago. Why would she kill herself?"

• "He said not to worry, that he was only smoking a little pot. And it had nothing to do with his grades slipping or quitting his part time job. He said he was going to study harder and look for another job. No way anyone thought he was addicted to cocaine. The overdose had to be accidental. He knew he had his whole life in front of him."

• "I never liked those kids he was hanging out with. But he was still adjusting to the divorce and I wanted him to be with people that made him happy. A gang? They didn't look like a gang. Why would a kid from another group of kids want to stab him to death?"

• "She knew she could talk to me if she had a problem."

Like a traffic light or stop sign installed after a fatal car accident on a road known to be dangerous, subsequent understanding and insight does not bring the youth back to life.

Complicating matters even further is that common knee jerk reactions and remedies- including increased counseling services and educational lessons geared toward preventing future tragedies-often exist for a short time and rarely develop into permanent services and programs. Budgets for social services, particularly programs that serve youth, are perennially tight.

These realities are a constant. Clichés about communicating with children and adolescents are abundant, particularly in the media. Common clichés offer idealistic suggestions which assume they are both possible and will have a great impact. As a practical matter, however, the multitude of common family issues and problems and the lack of available professional resources to youth render these sayings as almost useless. In fact, they can actually make situations worse by providing a false sense of security that problems have been adequately addressed by engaging in superficial behaviors:

• "Help your child to 'just say no' to drugs."

• "Ask them about their day at school."

• "Tell them everyday that you love them."

• "Let your child know they can always come and talk to you about any problem, and then promise that you won't judge him, you will only listen."

• "When your child speaks to you, give her your undivided attention."

• "Avoid arguing with the other parent in front of your child."

• "If you are divorced, make sure to always include the other parent in your child's life as much as possible."

• "If you are married, demonstrate a united front."

• "Make sure you meet all of your children's friends and have contact information for every friend. Be aware of where your children are at all times and have contact numbers of where to reach them."

These are all well meaning sentiments that offer good advice for many parents. In an ideal world, most parents would gladly follow such advice. In the real world, however, many parents don't or can't. Loving words or behavior, if not consistent, is little more than a band-aid. Children need to intuitively know that there is a strong and enduring consistent foundation where they can always feel safe, rely upon, and know that they are unconditionally loved.

What constitutes a consistent foundation means different things to different children-all families are somewhat unique. But the strong foundation is essential. Part of the problem, particularly when a parent is experiencing difficult and distracting issues, is the belief that mere words are sufficient. Little is achieved without meaningful and consistent behavior by parents that affirm good intentions.

What about youth who are in abusive and/or neglectful homes? These children are especially at risk. Without the support of a parent when problems occur, these youth are extremely vulnerable because they face the additional burden of the physical and emotional pain resulting from their mistreatment. Their need for "belonging" where there is an absence of family attachment often leads to behaviors that increase the chances of fatality, such as drug or alcohol abuse, joining gangs or cults, and criminal activity. If there is no responsible family or other emotional support system or programs aimed at helping such youth, it should come as no surprise when tragedy occurs.

For young abused or neglected children who are unable to articulate their feelings clearly, danger looms. A young child with no other frame of reference than a destructive household cannot comprehend that what they are experiencing is abuse; they know of no other way of being.

Many children's advocates remember the Lisa Steinberg tragedy which happened in the 1980s. One photo in particular, which was widely distributed in the print and broadcast media, remains entrenched in the minds of many advocates. The photo was of a beautiful little girl with matted hair and dirty clothes sitting at a desk with a haunting look of depression and detachment on her face.

Do we fault the teachers, neighbors, and others who failed to notice indictors of a serious problem? Or, rather, do we fault the absence of available training for professionals and community members on how to identify abused children? It is disingenuous to fault people who have not been trained, and who are influenced by a society and its media that do not place essential emphasis regarding the vulnerability of at-risk children or the critical importance of learning how to identify potential fatal risk factors.

The Lisa Steinberg tragedy received extensive national media attention, largely because of the horrifying and sensational aspects of her murder and the devastating details of her life before she was killed. Millions of people were left with a question that will go forever unanswered: was she numb from enduring the nightmarish trauma that was her life-or was she in unfathomable and excruciating emotional pain? Nobody will ever know because nobody ever asked—until she died.

Copyright © April 9, 2005 by Joi Kohlhagen. All Rights Reserved.

Joi Kohlhagen can be e-mailed at: joi@perspectivesonyouth.org